Grandpa Arlert Reporting For Duty
by Bunbun Bonbon
Summary: Grandpa Arlert knew he wasn't coming back from the war for Wall Maria but that didn't mean he couldn't try. In his swanky old geezer ways Grandpa Arlert endeavors his journey to come back home after he's sent outside the safety of the walls on a suicide mission. Look out for this saucy grandpa cause he's making a few fart jokes along the way. Rated M for gore to come.
~Calm Before the Storm~

The strangest feeling came over me today. The awkward feeling that something wasn't right kept nagging my testicles. I haven't the slightest clue why, maybe it was how blue the sky was or how silent the birds were. Nonetheless it was morning and it was time to start my day. The normal day of a peaceful old man and his grandson. My testicle feeling would have to subside wether it waned to or not. Getting up from the cot in my room, I shuffle down the hall way pausing to stretch half way to the kitchen. Every morning I get up start the tea kettle and whip up something fast. If I don't, the youngster is just going to burst out the house with that book of his under his arm like I don't know he has it. Kinda scary how close the apple lands to the tree. Well, here he comes. His feet thunder down the corridor breaking the silence of my "off" morning.

"Morning Grandpa! I'll see you tonight!"

"Whoa, Armin, where are you going so early without breakfast?"

"I'm going to see Eren," he said hurriedly. "Eren and Mikasa are going out for firewood today."

"Well, I just got some yesterday from the nice neighbors next door. Since we don't need any, why don't you sit in with your grandfather for breakfast?" I served him a plate of food on top of the round wooden table. I turned around to serve myself and knew he sat down when I heard the the seat scrape against the stone floor. Armin complied but not in a disappointed way, when I turned back around with the tea kettle and cups, he had set napkins and utensils on the table. What a good kid. I set down the cups and pour his first. "So how are the Yaegers?"

"Doctor Yaeger is away still but Eren thinks he'll be back soon and Mrs. Yaeger seems to be fine." Poor woman must be lonely.

"That's good to hear. You know, have you ever thought about asking the doctor for an apprenticeship? I know medicine doesn't really appeal to you but he is a very knowledgeable man." Armin averted his gaze. I know what he's thinking, what he's been thinking ever since he found that dusty old book. He wanted to explore outside the wall.

"You know, maybe I'll become a merchant. Or a cattle herder. That way we'll always have what we need." He smiled awkwardly and downed the rest of his tea. I laughed reassuring him I was not suspicious. But indeed, I was not suspicious because I already knew. I figured if anyone might have been able to instill some sense into him it would be Doctor Yaeger. Soon enough he finished, washed the dishes, and ran out the house. I'm left with the empty house and a hot plate of food before me. Oh, and that weird testicle feeling.

Surprisingly, there isn't much for me to do except sweep up the house. I decided it was time and that today was definitely the day I traveled up to the attic. What better time than now when Armin isn't home? I came to the foot of the steps next to my room. Well, they don't call 'em stairs for nothing,I almost change my mind after standing in front of the flight for ten minutes. It's been so long since I traversed that dusty shit hole because of my joint pain. Armin is more important though, his safety from outside the wall comes first. Looking up into darkness I grabbed hold to the banister and firmly held a gas lantern and dust rag in the other. God, I wish they made oil for humans, I couldn't tell which creaked more; the first stair or my damned leg. One squeaky leg after the other I eventually reached the top. I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Once upon a time I could jog up and down these stairs in less than a few minutes. Maybe I shouldn't complain. Other than my legs and arms, I am fully functional and healthy. Exercise couldn't hurt and probably would fix my problems but why should I? It's not like I'll ever need to run.

The light shining came from a window at the right end of the old room. Book cases lined the walls and each one bursts at the seems with old dusty books. I walked Fingering the spines, I remember how I read to Armin every night after his parents left. Then the more painful memories surfaced when i looked over at the tarp draped furniture. I spent what seemed like an eternity trying to forgive them for leaving, and I did, but I couldn't come up here. I felt like a creep after I did it but I opened a random book and smelled it. Sure enough it still smelled like them. I inhaled deep breaths of the aged pages over and again. picking up the scent of pine and other earthy scents. Okay that was beyond creepy and I'm going to try to justify it by saying I'm a lonely old man. Wait, what? Focus! I came up here for one reason, to dust off the books and pack up their journals before Armin got anymore smart ideas.

I started passing my floppy rag over the shelves but the dust was too much for my lungs. in a coughing fit, a flash from outside caught my eyes. Shuffling over to the window opening it as quickly as I could, I stuck my head out the window to see. because, you know, i'm nosy like that. And holy mother of Banana Bread you wouldn't believe what I saw. The most perfect rack of tits. Ever. My neighbor forgot to close her curtains. I wonder if she digs older men… Goddammit, focus!

What the- Is that a fucking head over the wall?


End file.
